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The Essential Girl’s Guide  to the Art World (Part I)
You probably debated the whole “what is art” thing to death in your Art History 101 seminar, so ...
Art Stuff 30 Aug 2017

A-F_theartgorgeousYou probably debated the whole “what is art” thing to death in your Art History 101 seminar, so for now, suffice to say it’s simply the reason we’re all here reading this.
A-F2theartgorgeousThe art fair that made art fairs a thing, Art Basel has spread its shiny, expertly-curated tentacles to Miami, Hong Kong, and of course, the titular Basel, Switzerland. Serious collectors go to the original, while celebrities, fashion people, club kids, international millionaires and those desperate for a free cocktail stick to Miami.

A-F3theartgorgeous
Being in the art world is a bit like being transported back to 15 years, or whenever it was that everybody still smoked. It’s wonderful! Well, not for your lungs, but that ubiquitous, smokey pack of hipsters outside every opening is a great place to meet people who know vital information like where the after party is.

A-F4theartgorgeousOffspring of the rich and famous that have a passing interest in art and an active interest in being photographed at the right parties. Many of them purport to be “art advisors” or “freelance curators” but they’re really just trust fund babes with good connections and great wardrobes.
CIGARETTE_theartgorgeous

A-F5theartgorgeousAn overused word used to convey an artist’s newbie status. While the term is often lambasted for connoting caterpillars or some similar kind of weird birth imagery, many PR people are still, for some reason, unable to find a better way to describe an artist under 40.

6-theartgorgeousAn insult flung at a certain kind of collector–most notably one Stefan Simchowitz–who buys up inexpensive works by young artists only to sell them back a couple years later for more money. Only in the art world would people be pissed off at you for turning a profit!

G-I-theartgorgeousAn exclusive dinner party following an opening that you get invited to if you’re a collector, press person, or a close personal acquaintance of the artist or gallerist. Great for networking (and guzzling free wine), but be wary: these shindigs always start about an hour later than the time on the invite.

G-I2theartgorgeousThe undeniable hotties of the art world, art handlers toil behind the closed doors of galleries and museums, carefully installing and de-installing billions of dollars worth of fine art with their bare hands. If that sentence didn’t just make you hot, consider the fact that most of them are built as hell and typically decent artists themselves.

G-I3-theartgorgeousThe art world’s current obsession, thanks to their innate Instagramability. Bonus points if it’s also “immersive”!
HANDLER2_theartgorgeous

G-I4-theartgorgeousThe art world is full of it (no pun intended). Just look at any press release. Pick up a copy of Artforum. Continue reading this list! It could be because we’re notoriously exclusive (what better way to shut people out than by using big words they don’t understand?) or it could be because in reality, no one actually knows what they’re talking about.

G-I5-theartgorgeousJeff Koons, king of all things shiny and banal, has come to represent something far beyond himself and his oeuvre. His name is synonymous with a trend towards grotesque displays of wealth and art objects that are little more than easily digestible playthings for billionaires. People love to hate him, so much so that in the not-so-distant future, liking him seems poised to become ironically cool again.

G-I6-theartgorgeousThe job many front desk girls dream of graduating to, artist liaisons are responsible for maintaining the relationship between a gallery and its stable of artists–a job that, you can probably imagine, isn’t always easy, but does involve travel and lots of going out. Like most other gallery jobs, these people are usually ridiculously well educated and still make poverty wages.

This Feature Got Published in TheArtGorgeous Magazine#1 to Download e-version click here

Writer CAIT MUNRO
Illustration PENELOPE STRINTZ

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